Righteous Conflict
Although conflict is often uncomfortable, is seems to be a natural, even expected, part of life. In and of itself it is not wrong, but the way we respond to conflict can be right or wrong. More importantly, the way we respond to conflict can be righteous.
Conflict is simply a natural result of differing perspectives and opinions. Many conflicts in marriage result simply from the difference between how men and women see and understand life. Others result from differing personalities and backgrounds. These differences can easily move from the realm of discussion, for the sake of understanding and the pursuit of agreement, to conflict as we seek to find answers and solutions to the issues of life. As odd as it may sound, conflict can actually be healthy.
Although conflict is often uncomfortable, is seems to
be a natural, even expected, part of life
Conflict moves from healthy to unhealthy when the desire or need to be “right” becomes part of the equation. Let’s face it, we all want to be right and to have others validate our “rightness”. Unfortunately, our desire to be “right” has the ability to overwhelm us. This desire can cause us to move from discussion, to manipulation, to outright aggression in our attempt to defend our “rightness”.
I have seen good marriages descend into open hostility over a difference in opinion on how to respond to a parenting situation. Instead of using the different perspectives provided by each other’s viewpoints, these couples end up attacking and actually devaluing each other, all because their desire to be “right” overthrows their desire to maintain a healthy relationship.
A man I know recently wrote in his blog, “When we are more broken over our capacity for hostility than we are over the perceived issue, we find a way to hear God. When we hear Him, we can find healing.” (Epistle w/ Kevin “Mac” McClure –You Can Be Right And Still Be Wrong) Herein lies the real problem, pride demands being right, humility hungers and thirsts for being righteous. When we are in pride we become deaf to the voice of God. I often ask couples and church leaders who are in serious conflict, “What price are you willing to pay for the privilege of being ‘right’? Is your insistence on being ‘right’ worth destroying this marriage or this church?” Truth be told, the insistence on being right destroys relationships. Another way to put the question is simply this, “Is being right worth being alone?”
In his blog article, Kevin also observed that God is not looking for who is right but rather who is righteous. Every conflict needs a redeemer to bring righteous resolution and healing. Here is the million-dollar question. “When we find ourselves in conflict, instead of being the one who demands to be ‘right’ will we be the one willing to be the ‘redeemer’?”
It is 3 am, in my half sleep I hear the word Righteous Conflict. I have gone direct to Google… and I thank God I found this article speaking of what exactly I’m going through in my marriage. I needed God to give me directions. and yes, He has spoken… I had never heard of this Righteous Conflict before, have just heard a voice speaking to me to check it out. thank you God… I have my answer.